I could feel exhaustion take over my life,
With trembling hands I cover my thoroughly scrubbed skin,
I could see skin- deep wounds glow red,
I knew nothing will take away those imprints of disgust and dirt,
My blood oozed into the fabric of peace and calm,
And deep cuts altered my laughs into cries of agony.
I was once wild and free,
Like streams of dream rolling down those mountains,
Learning to fly with new-born wings,
Unified with the strong breeze of love,
I once believed that I was born for art,
And I created art with lullabies of nature.
My body is a prisoner of his demonic chants,
My soul caged within his angelic venom,
My mind captivated within those horrific memories,
My art twist and twirl in torment.
I desire to hear my mellifluous laugh,
Anticipation to regenerate and born again resurface,
I wait God to shower with blessings,
To be pampered with care and love,
To be bathed with strength to fight against evil,
I wait to coalesce with my art.
Deflated pride is what I have acquired,
Broken trust is what I own,
Darkness engulfed soul is what I can flaunt,
Rhythms of scars are what I will sing,
Tunes of nightmare is what my feet will dance along,
Harmony of torture is what I have,
Tranquility of trauma is what I possess.
I felt darkness of depression engulf my mind,
It’s him! It’s him!
It was his doing!
I kept chanting it like mantra,
Inhaling and exhaling with struggle,
Each and every breath sounded foreign.
Did it happen?
Or am I hallucinating!
Am I worried about an illusions created by paradox?
Or did he really inject me with soul dreading toxicity!
Sleepless nights replaced serene nights,
Screams followed by awful dreams,
Panic attacks followed the fear of you,
Small sobs replaced by hysterical shouts,
My life was a mess followed after you.
You were supposed to be my love,
Knight in shining armor,
You were supposed to reciprocate my trust,
And tell me how I deserve the best.
But you left me all alone,
Alone in the darkest place I had ever encountered with,
I was a deal you told them,
Their eyes lingered on me,
I was not worthless for them,
Cause they bargained for a taste of me,
Flashing their money towards you,
You bid me to the richest.
They would devour me one by one,
As days passed I was ruined,
I was their passion they had whispered,
But all I felt was hollowness,
Emotions were battling in unknown space,
I struggled to find my own lost individuality.
I was forced to inhale smell of cigarettes and alcohol,
My desire was to inhale colors to exhale art,
I am grayish ash shriveled,
While pitch black reflected my life!
I am lost,
Lost in wide range of betrayal,
Never will I be as colorful as my early life,
Now my art will always be mysterious and aphotic,
Stirring curiosity of some untold broken tales!